Comments for Maverick4620's Weblog http://maverick4620.wordpress.com Just another WordPress.com weblog Thu, 15 May 2008 02:08:40 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Floating Workshop by mightymouse123 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-57 mightymouse123 Thu, 15 May 2008 02:08:40 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-57 Writer: Matthew Prisco Peer Response: Kingsley Osuji The essay has a very interesting concept. I do not like how one second you would use strong details and then the next lack. I think that since there would be readers who may not know how to play poker, that you should make clear or define some of the terminology, such as “on the river”. Your victory scene should have been more suspense filled and lengthier. On the up side, you stuck to your thesis throughout the essay and kept me in suspense. You just need a little bit of work on the work structure, what I previously recommended and definition of terms and the essay should be good. Writer: Matthew Prisco Peer Response: Kingsley Osuji
The essay has a very interesting concept. I do not like how one second you would use strong details and then the next lack. I think that since there would be readers who may not know how to play poker, that you should make clear or define some of the terminology, such as “on the river”. Your victory scene should have been more suspense filled and lengthier. On the up side, you stuck to your thesis throughout the essay and kept me in suspense. You just need a little bit of work on the work structure, what I previously recommended and definition of terms and the essay should be good.

]]> Comment on Floating Workshop by mfrancois http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-56 mfrancois Mon, 12 May 2008 14:35:59 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-56 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name___Matt ___ Peer’s name _Mike Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. I thought it was very interesting it made something that would seem boring sound exciting with adrenaline pumping action. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES What do you see as that purpose? That money isn’t everything, and the game helped Matt reach his full potential. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? A person who likes to play card games, like poker or blackjack. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. His sentence structure allows the story to gain suspense. b. his diction lets the audience see how he feeling under his poker face *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. Winning the poker game gave him more confidence, Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? YES *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES c. Is the information understandable to you? YES d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? Matt and his friends b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. They were all part of the event c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? YES 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name___Matt ___ Peer’s name _Mike

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was very interesting it made something that would seem boring sound exciting with adrenaline pumping action.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose? That money isn’t everything, and the game helped Matt reach his full potential.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
A person who likes to play card games, like poker or blackjack.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. His sentence structure allows the story to gain suspense.

b. his diction lets the audience see how he feeling under his poker face

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Winning the poker game gave him more confidence,

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? YES

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Matt and his friends

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were all part of the event

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
YES

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> Comment on Floating Workshop by Josue http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-53 Josue Sun, 04 May 2008 13:45:30 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-53 Essay writer’s name______Matt___________ Peer’s name____Josue______________________ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. It was a good essay 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No YES NO What do you see as that purpose? *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who works 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Student and young people working. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. tone b. Format *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. With little time left and a lot at stake it was time to find out which one of us had it in us to win. Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. Yes *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes c. Is the information understandable to you? Yes d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? No b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Essay writer’s name______Matt___________ Peer’s name____Josue______________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a good essay
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who works

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Student and young people working.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone
b. Format
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
With little time left and a lot at stake it was time to find out which one of us had it in us to win.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. Yes

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined?
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? No

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> Comment on Essay 3 – Peer Review Draft by Jaclyn Villalba<3 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/28/essay-3-peer-review-draft/#comment-52 Jaclyn Villalba<3 Fri, 02 May 2008 02:47:33 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/?p=55#comment-52 Written peer Response For Matt BY: Jaclyn i think you do not show your thesis throughout the whole paper. also it is suppose to be a critical review and all you do is praise the movie, there is nothing that points out anything bad in it. maybbe you could also mention that Scorsese directed the film earlier in the paper and you could compare his other works. I think this movie is old right? why is it such a good movie to do a review on? I remember you said it is a classic for you, but is it really? also maybe you could add pictures and it would be really cool if you added sound bite when you talk about how the music influences the movie. I went back and read your progress report and saw what your thesis and it doesnt show. Add more to why you think your thesis is right and why everyone else should believe it.you give a great summary of the movie and use good details. maybe you could also speak about other movies the actors have been in and compare it to their performance in the films. I hope what i have to say helps!! Written peer Response For Matt BY: Jaclyn
i think you do not show your thesis throughout the whole paper. also it is suppose to be a critical review and all you do is praise the movie, there is nothing that points out anything bad in it. maybbe you could also mention that Scorsese directed the film earlier in the paper and you could compare his other works. I think this movie is old right? why is it such a good movie to do a review on? I remember you said it is a classic for you, but is it really? also maybe you could add pictures and it would be really cool if you added sound bite when you talk about how the music influences the movie. I went back and read your progress report and saw what your thesis and it doesnt show. Add more to why you think your thesis is right and why everyone else should believe it.you give a great summary of the movie and use good details. maybe you could also speak about other movies the actors have been in and compare it to their performance in the films. I hope what i have to say helps!!

]]> Comment on Floating Workshop by chutsze http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-51 chutsze Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:41:42 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-51 Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name___Tanisha Daley__ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. It was well written and well organized 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES What do you see as that purpose? It told about the lesson he learned and how winning money wasn't the only important thing in his life. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who is interested in competitive play. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end. b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game. Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people. *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? UNSURE If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow. c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES List terms that need to be defined here: I have never played poker so I have not learned much 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 Why? This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on. *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? Players in the tournament. b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name___Tanisha Daley__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was well written and well organized
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
It told about the lesson he learned and how winning money wasn’t the only important thing in his life.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is interested in competitive play.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I have never played poker so I have not learned much
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES

]]> Comment on Juno Review by patrick http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/juno-review/#comment-49 patrick Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:36:48 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/?p=40#comment-49 i assumed Juno was directed by the same guy that directed Knocked Up, because it's about unexpected pregnancy and Michael Cera stars as Juno's boyfriend, but alas this was not the case. i assumed Juno was directed by the same guy that directed Knocked Up, because it’s about unexpected pregnancy and Michael Cera stars as Juno’s boyfriend, but alas this was not the case.

]]> Comment on Floating Workshop by tiasianc19 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-48 tiasianc19 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 04:40:28 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/floating-workshop/#comment-48 Written Peer Response Tiasia Currie For : Matt Prisco I enjoyed the essay, and I think the concept is interesting, and has room for a lot of suspense. The descriptions of the people were very detailed at times, and other times it was very weak, there was really no in between. Although I think that a goal of yours was to introduce us into the world of poker, I did not understand some of the concepts at all, such as :"middle pair "; "On the river ", and a couple of other terms. I think that the scene when you won the game could have been much more intense and longer. Sometimes I think the sentence structure was a little off, but for the most part the essay was good, it just needs a little bit of work. I understood the thesis as well, and i think you never lost sight of what the main purpose was. Written Peer Response

Tiasia Currie For : Matt Prisco

I enjoyed the essay, and I think the concept is interesting, and has room for a lot of suspense. The descriptions of the people were very detailed at times, and other times it was very weak, there was really no in between. Although I think that a goal of yours was to introduce us into the world of poker, I did not understand some of the concepts at all, such as :”middle pair “; “On the river “, and a couple of other terms. I think that the scene when you won the game could have been much more intense and longer. Sometimes I think the sentence structure was a little off, but for the most part the essay was good, it just needs a little bit of work. I understood the thesis as well, and i think you never lost sight of what the main purpose was.

]]> Comment on Juno Review by Jaclyn Villalba<3 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/juno-review/#comment-47 Jaclyn Villalba<3 Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:18:25 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/?p=40#comment-47 i rented it on tuesday and didnt think it was as good as everyone said it was going to be. I was a bit disappointed. I agree with what you are saying. i rented it on tuesday and didnt think it was as good as everyone said it was going to be. I was a bit disappointed. I agree with what you are saying.

]]> Comment on Essay 3 – Discovery Draft by Jaclyn Villalba<3 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/essay-3-discovery-draft/#comment-46 Jaclyn Villalba<3 Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:27:41 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/?p=48#comment-46 Matt, we have a group appointment On Tuesday April 29, 2008 in his office in the writing center. It is at 11:30. we do not have class this day. It will be you, me(Jacky), mike, and Tiasia. Just wanted to let you know. Also he wants you to contact him about it!! Matt, we have a group appointment On Tuesday April 29, 2008 in his office in the writing center. It is at 11:30. we do not have class this day. It will be you, me(Jacky), mike, and Tiasia. Just wanted to let you know. Also he wants you to contact him about it!!

]]> Comment on Juno Review by Harsh http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/juno-review/#comment-45 Harsh Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:28:30 +0000 http://maverick4620.wordpress.com/?p=40#comment-45 Thats the first negative review of Juno that I have read. I was so impressed with the movie that I have since then been surfing the web to know what people think of it. I agree that there may have been better movies made last year, but Juno stands out, really because of the sensitive manner in which handles such a theme. Harsh www.mantrablogs.contentmantra.com Thats the first negative review of Juno that I have read. I was so impressed with the movie that I have since then been surfing the web to know what people think of it. I agree that there may have been better movies made last year, but Juno stands out, really because of the sensitive manner in which handles such a theme.

Harsh
http://www.mantrablogs.contentmantra.com

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