Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco ________ Peer’s name______Marina Yermolayeva_______
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a quick read due to its elements of anticipation and tense environment. The author did a good job conveying the atmosphere and his mood during the game.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Reflection on how a particular event wasn’t only about winning money, it was about realizing self-potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is involved with poker or any game/sport that involves winning.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I’m not much of a poker player, so I didn’t know exactly what you were talking about at times. Coincidentally, a coworker of mine was teaching me how to play today, so it helped.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: This intro caught my attention right away and I couldn’t wait to read onl.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: The conclusion left me wanting more. It attempted to sum up everything in a short amount of words, and ended abruptly.
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Good detail, a lot of narration about what is going on and the lead up to the event. It’s obvious why it was worth writing about.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes, from the last sentence it is apparent to the reader that this is not just a story about poler and money but about heart and determination and skill.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has ever worked hard for something and gotten paid back for their efforts-literally as in this case, or figuratively
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To be more specific, anyone who has ever player poker or with a poker background.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. I played my game and applied pressure to him every hand and sure enough he crumbled leaving me in first place, one thousand dollars richer.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. determination yields success.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Not really, It was hard to find the thesis. Make it more apparent in the first few paragraphs of the essay.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether t is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 NO
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: N/A
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
somewhat-I don’t really understand all the poker terminology
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here
Top pair, river, etc.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? somewhat
b Provide something new to think about? somewhat
c. Round the essay off smoothly? somewhat
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Everything is explained in detail. I felt as if I were there playing poker with them.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
No
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Any one who loves playing poker,
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Winning the poker game gave him more confidence in his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
YES
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, everything has been clearly explained.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name______Betim Efendija__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The atmosphere and mood were created very well. It was fun to read because it was suspenseful and tense.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Reflection on how a particular event wasn’t only about winning money, it was about realizing self-potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is interested in competitive play.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I’m not much of a poker player, so I didn’t know exactly what you were talking about at times. Coincidentally, a coworker of mine was teaching me how to play today, so it helped.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: This intro succeeded in catching attention.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It seemed very intense. I could just feel everyone’s emotions.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose? It tells a story of challenge and growth
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who enjoys a thrilling story
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Mostly pokers player who can understand the terminology better.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. word choice- I then got dealt an ace and a king and that was the final blow needed.
b. details- We played and two clubs came out on the flop so I represented having the flush draw the whole way. On the river came the third club and sure enough I was able to push and get Perry to fold two pairs
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Hard work pays off
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
What does blinded out mean on the second page?, muck my bluff bottom of the fifth page? Heads up on the seventh page?
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Matt, greg, bill, other poker players
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were all directly involved in the story
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? NO
d. Comments:
I would try to add a little more to the ending so it is stronger.
Essay writer’s name__Matt Prisco______________________ Peer’s name: Anthony Han
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I though it was a well written story with good details.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
There is more to Poker then just winning money.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People interested in poker.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Young adults.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone of the story made it describe the others and his own feelings.
b. short sentences
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament increased his confidence and skill.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? Players in the tournament
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Got the others persepective and details
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
hey matt. i read your essay and i think you have made a lot of good changes from the first draft. the impression i got was that how much more confident you were in yourself. your detailing was very good and you did a good job building up to your climax! great job overall.
Essay writer’s name Matthew Prisco Peer’s name Nicholas King
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
When I was reading I felt like I was actually sitting there watching the game.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
An event that involves receiving a large amount of money and that was not as significant as the feeling of winning
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone that is interested in playing poker
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed to anybody that has in interest in playing poker
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. This essay describes words like river and flush draw that only poker players would know
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
A poker game having gaining respect more importantly then winning money
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The main people in the essay were described in detail
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
I play poker so I understand the terms used
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Greg and Bill
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They are the main people
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Narration of the story
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
strong introduction to foreshadow an intense game
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
The conclusion should show why the money was not the real prize
I enjoyed the essay, and I think the concept is interesting, and has room for a lot of suspense. The descriptions of the people were very detailed at times, and other times it was very weak, there was really no in between. Although I think that a goal of yours was to introduce us into the world of poker, I did not understand some of the concepts at all, such as :”middle pair “; “On the river “, and a couple of other terms. I think that the scene when you won the game could have been much more intense and longer. Sometimes I think the sentence structure was a little off, but for the most part the essay was good, it just needs a little bit of work. I understood the thesis as well, and i think you never lost sight of what the main purpose was.
Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name___Tanisha Daley__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was well written and well organized
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
It told about the lesson he learned and how winning money wasn’t the only important thing in his life.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is interested in competitive play.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I have never played poker so I have not learned much
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
Essay writer’s name______Matt___________ Peer’s name____Josue______________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a good essay
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who works
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Student and young people working.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone
b. Format
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
With little time left and a lot at stake it was time to find out which one of us had it in us to win.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. Yes
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined?
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? No
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was very interesting it made something that would seem boring sound exciting with adrenaline pumping action.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose? That money isn’t everything, and the game helped Matt reach his full potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
A person who likes to play card games, like poker or blackjack.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. His sentence structure allows the story to gain suspense.
b. his diction lets the audience see how he feeling under his poker face
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Winning the poker game gave him more confidence,
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? YES
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Matt and his friends
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were all part of the event
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
YES
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Writer: Matthew Prisco Peer Response: Kingsley Osuji
The essay has a very interesting concept. I do not like how one second you would use strong details and then the next lack. I think that since there would be readers who may not know how to play poker, that you should make clear or define some of the terminology, such as “on the river”. Your victory scene should have been more suspense filled and lengthier. On the up side, you stuck to your thesis throughout the essay and kept me in suspense. You just need a little bit of work on the work structure, what I previously recommended and definition of terms and the essay should be good.
Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco ________ Peer’s name______Marina Yermolayeva_______
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a quick read due to its elements of anticipation and tense environment. The author did a good job conveying the atmosphere and his mood during the game.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Reflection on how a particular event wasn’t only about winning money, it was about realizing self-potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is involved with poker or any game/sport that involves winning.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I’m not much of a poker player, so I didn’t know exactly what you were talking about at times. Coincidentally, a coworker of mine was teaching me how to play today, so it helped.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: This intro caught my attention right away and I couldn’t wait to read onl.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: The conclusion left me wanting more. It attempted to sum up everything in a short amount of words, and ended abruptly.
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_____Matthew Prisco¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬_______ Peer’s name_____Amanda Carzoli_____
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Good detail, a lot of narration about what is going on and the lead up to the event. It’s obvious why it was worth writing about.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes, from the last sentence it is apparent to the reader that this is not just a story about poler and money but about heart and determination and skill.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has ever worked hard for something and gotten paid back for their efforts-literally as in this case, or figuratively
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To be more specific, anyone who has ever player poker or with a poker background.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. I played my game and applied pressure to him every hand and sure enough he crumbled leaving me in first place, one thousand dollars richer.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. determination yields success.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Not really, It was hard to find the thesis. Make it more apparent in the first few paragraphs of the essay.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether t is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 NO
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: N/A
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
somewhat-I don’t really understand all the poker terminology
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here
Top pair, river, etc.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? somewhat
b Provide something new to think about? somewhat
c. Round the essay off smoothly? somewhat
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name____Matthew Prisco____________________ Peer’s name__Huzaifa Ahmed________________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Everything is explained in detail. I felt as if I were there playing poker with them.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
No
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Any one who loves playing poker,
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Winning the poker game gave him more confidence in his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
YES
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, everything has been clearly explained.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name______Betim Efendija__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The atmosphere and mood were created very well. It was fun to read because it was suspenseful and tense.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Reflection on how a particular event wasn’t only about winning money, it was about realizing self-potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is interested in competitive play.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I’m not much of a poker player, so I didn’t know exactly what you were talking about at times. Coincidentally, a coworker of mine was teaching me how to play today, so it helped.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: This intro succeeded in catching attention.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name______Matt_______________ Peer’s name_________Jaclyn____________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It seemed very intense. I could just feel everyone’s emotions.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose? It tells a story of challenge and growth
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who enjoys a thrilling story
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Mostly pokers player who can understand the terminology better.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. word choice- I then got dealt an ace and a king and that was the final blow needed.
b. details- We played and two clubs came out on the flop so I represented having the flush draw the whole way. On the river came the third club and sure enough I was able to push and get Perry to fold two pairs
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Hard work pays off
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
What does blinded out mean on the second page?, muck my bluff bottom of the fifth page? Heads up on the seventh page?
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Matt, greg, bill, other poker players
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were all directly involved in the story
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? NO
d. Comments:
I would try to add a little more to the ending so it is stronger.
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__Matt Prisco______________________ Peer’s name: Anthony Han
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I though it was a well written story with good details.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
There is more to Poker then just winning money.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People interested in poker.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Young adults.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone of the story made it describe the others and his own feelings.
b. short sentences
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament increased his confidence and skill.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? Players in the tournament
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Got the others persepective and details
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
hey matt. i read your essay and i think you have made a lot of good changes from the first draft. the impression i got was that how much more confident you were in yourself. your detailing was very good and you did a good job building up to your climax! great job overall.
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Matthew Prisco Peer’s name Nicholas King
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
When I was reading I felt like I was actually sitting there watching the game.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
An event that involves receiving a large amount of money and that was not as significant as the feeling of winning
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone that is interested in playing poker
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed to anybody that has in interest in playing poker
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. This essay describes words like river and flush draw that only poker players would know
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
A poker game having gaining respect more importantly then winning money
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The main people in the essay were described in detail
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
I play poker so I understand the terms used
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Greg and Bill
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They are the main people
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Narration of the story
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
strong introduction to foreshadow an intense game
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
The conclusion should show why the money was not the real prize
Written Peer Response
Tiasia Currie For : Matt Prisco
I enjoyed the essay, and I think the concept is interesting, and has room for a lot of suspense. The descriptions of the people were very detailed at times, and other times it was very weak, there was really no in between. Although I think that a goal of yours was to introduce us into the world of poker, I did not understand some of the concepts at all, such as :”middle pair “; “On the river “, and a couple of other terms. I think that the scene when you won the game could have been much more intense and longer. Sometimes I think the sentence structure was a little off, but for the most part the essay was good, it just needs a little bit of work. I understood the thesis as well, and i think you never lost sight of what the main purpose was.
Essay writer’s name___ Matthew Prisco _____ Peer’s name___Tanisha Daley__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was well written and well organized
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
It told about the lesson he learned and how winning money wasn’t the only important thing in his life.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who is interested in competitive play.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Short sentence structure filled the essay with anticipation for how it will end.
b. Tone and diction describe the feelings and the people effectively.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The poker tournament gave the narrator confidence about his game.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer provided a detailed description and analysis of the place and events, and especially the people.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE
If not, explain here: Some of the play by play accounts were hard to follow.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
I have never played poker so I have not learned much
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 Why?
This was in the middle of the action, I naturally wanted to find out how you got there, which you explain later on.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Players in the tournament.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
Essay writer’s name______Matt___________ Peer’s name____Josue______________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a good essay
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who works
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Student and young people working.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone
b. Format
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
With little time left and a lot at stake it was time to find out which one of us had it in us to win.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. Yes
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined?
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed? No
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name___Matt ___ Peer’s name _Mike
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was very interesting it made something that would seem boring sound exciting with adrenaline pumping action.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose? That money isn’t everything, and the game helped Matt reach his full potential.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
A person who likes to play card games, like poker or blackjack.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The essay is directed for teens or young adults that like competitive games.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. His sentence structure allows the story to gain suspense.
b. his diction lets the audience see how he feeling under his poker face
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Winning the poker game gave him more confidence,
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? YES
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Matt and his friends
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were all part of the event
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
YES
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Writer: Matthew Prisco Peer Response: Kingsley Osuji
The essay has a very interesting concept. I do not like how one second you would use strong details and then the next lack. I think that since there would be readers who may not know how to play poker, that you should make clear or define some of the terminology, such as “on the river”. Your victory scene should have been more suspense filled and lengthier. On the up side, you stuck to your thesis throughout the essay and kept me in suspense. You just need a little bit of work on the work structure, what I previously recommended and definition of terms and the essay should be good.